People never get the flowers while they can still smell 'em

I'm writing this down before I forget or lose the feeling to sleep or the slice of cake or two glasses of half a bottle of champagne I consumed during the night. I turned 26 about 11 hours ago, and thus far, the day has proceeded better than many birthdays I can think of. A lot of I-me-my-mines were uttered on those other birthdays. A lot of self-absorption, rather than self-reflection, took place. Now, of all days that one can be self-conscious or conceited, I suppose the birthday is the most appropriate. But, this morning, a feeling was put on my spirit to say "Thank you" not reactively for birthday wishes I received, but preemptively, because of the year I've had. The years* I've had, until now, have contained disappointment, anxiety, confusion, curiosity, wonder, pain, joy, happiness, love, romance, and heartbreak. As I mentioned to a friend on the phone this afternoon, I usually took my birthday as the day to reflect on all that I've been through, but I would get stuck on where I should be or why I wasn't feeling satisfied.

This birthday was different. The experiences in my 26 years remain the same, but I looked at them through a new lens this time. I experienced today, and lately have been experiencing days, that felt...in their proper place. Today, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, felt like I was learning and growing and meeting and absorbing all the experiences I was supposed to, and the people I was meant to meet...it all felt like, on this birthday, I finally had "arrived." No, I haven't made it to the pinnacle of success or to the peak of my career or social life. I'd arrived, in my spirit, in my heart, in a place of acceptance, and peace and ease. I accepted what happened and what I received with reckless abandon, and without regard for how big or shiny or meaningful or long or short or clever it was. I hosted a game night and invited my classmates (at this point, still acquaintances/new friends/budding relationships) and they showed up and I was genuinely moved and appreciative that people took time out of their day to come celebrate me. But it wasn't about me, it was about what we were building and how everyone felt being a part of that experience. I was honored to be a part of it, not to be the cause for it.

I'm having lots of feelings, thoughts and reflections on this birthday. It's usually a time of deep thought and taking account of where I am and where I need to get to next. But, this year felt different. I'm quite content with living in the moment, each moment, and being grateful for all the confusing or heartbreaking or joyful or unexpected moments that culminated on this second...and this one. It all adds up to 26 years of friends, family and even new classmates who are still getting to know me taking time out of their lives and studying to come to game night. I'm in a good place right now- grateful for the blessings and the sorrows I've experienced. God's timing and execution of His plan don't always line up with the timing you want. I know they haven't for me. But, it took accepting his divine knowledge rather than fighting it to reach this place of peace. I've prayed for it a long time, but I didn't realize that prayer had been answered until today when my friend Arthur asked me if I made any birthday resolutions. I didn't have any because the ones I made last year have already manifested. I've let go of the anxiety, trying to direct every next step. I'm working on praying more and exercising (probably lifelong goals, right?)

So, I'm here, without fear, get used to it. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, who showed up to my party/game night. Thank you for cooking me breakfast (AGIII) bringing me cake (Lizzie) and wine and champagne (everyone) and buying me dinner (M. Greezy and Guild) and baking me cookies (Melissa/Katie S.). Thanks to everyone for the instagrams and Facebooks. I'm sure it's really millennial of me to say this, but I acknowledge there are people out there who don't have someone to post a picture of them on their birthday. Or even if they do, some folks don't have or take the time to do so. I thank God for each and every one of you who did that, or who hugged me or thought of me today or any day. I hope I've made you feel special or will make you feel special sometime in the year. It seems like birthdays are about taking account of not only how old you've gotten and what you've experienced, but counting each person who's influenced you and guided you on your way to that place. 26 is going to be a year of prayer, focus, tenacity and teamwork. If today's any indication of what my year 27 reflection will look like, we're gonna need some more champagne.